Well technically, the day before my birthday. 

This information contained herein is a telling of my story of personal accounts and experiences.  I originally wrote this shortly after getting fired and it may have been a little impassioned. I have since gone through and rewritten it to be a little more gentle but I'm not a professional. Anyway, this is my story. It's lengthy. Get some coffee, maybe a blanket. Take a break if needed. Enjoy?

update 3/26

So I was doing some thinking. I'm not sure if the I really captured the overall atmosphere here. Besides the disaster of how it was run it wasn't much of a team either. Unless you actually went to an event. Some people had never even experienced the things they did! There was barely any notability to the fact of winning a championship that year. An email or two from the drivers thanking everyone. There was a huge project that was completed before I arrived. HUGE. And it was finally being released. An effort was made to arrange a viewing at a local theatre. But, when the venue fell through no other attempt was made. There is a large break room where weekly lunch time videos are watched together. For some reason, taking 20 minutes to get everyone together and share in a job very well done, wasn't an option. There were tenuous "attempts" at things for what seemed to be for show. No further follow up, no rectifications, nothing. That went beyond just this incident. 

For example, moving a desk was a grand inquisition. I have plenty of anxiety issues I work through but I think it is reasonable to expect to be comfortable at work in order to perform adequately. I don't like having my back to a door, much less a pure window wall especially when they give weekly tours. So, I wanted to turn my desk 90 degrees. No biggie, yeah? Well, first of all, no one I asked seemed to know who I should ask. Like everyone was afraid or more likely really had no clue what was going on. Common sense lead me to ask the facilities manager. Makes sense, yeah? Considering he handled the facilities and I even helped him move some. Anyway, no follow up. When I did, the question still hadn't gone anywhere. He mentioned asking the COO. Alright, there are things I don't know that are going on. Noted. But, if I hired someone to be a facilities manager, I expect him to make those decisions. Why does a desk rotation need to be sent to an executive team? So, I turned the desk anyway. I want to be productive and I'm sure they would appreciate it. It was apparently a bold move because everyone seemed to be astonished. Are the comforts and needs of the employees that low on the priority list that accommodations are unheard of? Yes, the answer is, yes. Because it wasn't explicitly sent down from the gods, our COO introduced later in this story, it was a mortal sin, I guess. 

I think what I'm getting at is the overall feeling of loss, confusion and somewhat fear was the atmosphere. There was no team feeling. There were media people in their own world. And they are the ones that project this false idea, unbeknownst to them I imagine. I wanted this job because what they do and to be part of a close team. Camaraderie and moral are important. Something I learned in the Navy and how you build trust with true friendships. No "I" in team, but they sure found the "me". I know that I touch base a little bit on it in this account but I don't think I captured how disparaging. I left there and felt dirty. That's it. Like my integrity and expectations had been tarnished. I wasn't the only one treated poorly and it drove me crazy. It really did fuel me to push my business. In the same amount of time I was employed there, I have made business and engineering standards, checklists, schedules, everything they could have used to succeed. But I made it for MY company because they passed what I was offering. I realized they have been successful because they acquired the right partnership(s) long ago. As they continue to hinder their personnel, I am growing on the strength of my integrity and commitment to my high expectations. My dream is to have or be part of a team and shop. But it's not just those things, it's the people within that deserve appreciation and the understanding that they are human and work shouldn't be anyone's priority over themselves. 

As I type this now I still don't feel I have the words or expressed properly exactly what this place was like. There was just no commitment, no follow through, no clue, no team. You might just have to see it for yourself. But, I don't usually recommend shit shows. Let's try. 

Put yourself in a vulnerable, confused, frustrated and excited state of mind. Then put yourself in a room with 100 people. Only one person knows what to do. But, no one in the room knows who it is. Not even the person who knows what you can do, knows that they know it. Now, find that person and figure out what you are supposed to do. Oh, you also aren't sure why you are in the room. Got it? Maybe kind of like that. I'll keep thinking about it. Check out the other reviews on Glassdoor. 

I just can't stand how miserable everyone seemed to be. Especially to me. This is a business of excitement, inclusiveness and team work. I feel they were doing everything wrong and unjust behind the media screen. I would never sponsor or be in partnership with a business running like that. And I know I would better represent any sponsors based on my values alone. So, I plan to.

.....Back at it.....

I pursued my dream job at what I thought was the top, prestigious rally team in the states for over a year. So, I was full of elation when I received an offer. Full of excitement and at a critical point in my life where I found out who I am and where I want to go, I was eager for the future. Being extremely passionate about all things rallysport and purely wanting to be there for the love of it, left me to believe I was a perfect hire. It was the only thing that could convince me to leave Colorado and I was out already out the door.

I wanted to be there so bad. I was excited and happy to walk in every day. I got to look at and touch championship winning rally and rallycross cars each day. I had the attitude and drive that would help them accomplish anything. My passion was burning to be part of what I assumed was a tight team. Naturally, I brought donuts my first day and anyone who celebrated a birthday would receive a personal happy birthday on a package of Hostess Donettes delivered by yours truly. I wanted to go out of my way to know everyone, know the team I got to be a member of.

From the start of my first day to the last, and I quote several agreeing team members, "It's a shit show." Although it was, I maintained my enthusiasm by being a person that finds ways to improve things and has an innate ability to understand and improve efficiency. A mess can always be cleaned, right? I wasn't upset and looked forward to the challenge and opportunities. Work started slow, getting settled in like any other new job but the fundamental issues were blatantly apparent. Naturally, I took the initiative to see what was lacking and what sort of solutions would benefit the design team as a whole in addition to the overall team.

I  chatted with other members gaining their insight and opinions while detailing what we all could possibly agree on. I was new, I didn't want to step on toes, I wanted to be a vital member. I saw issues with simple solutions and it was baffling how much potential was being wasted. My time in the Navy showed the importance of moral and camaraderie and this place was appalling. And, like many times in the Navy, the wrong people were in charge who, firstly, don't know how to manage people. That's alright, we're a team, yeah? We can work on it together..... One would assume....

My work in the design office was generally pretty standard and not overly difficult. Not to mention, I just loved being there. I was designing and learning rally car stuff! I made it! This is what I dreamed of! As you would guess for any fresh employee, I was given what seemed to just be menial tasks as we got familiar working together. Some things appeared as just busy work or felt like suggestions. It was odd but later I realized it’s because those in charge don’t know how to delegate a workload. But there wasn't a well defined one to begin with, there was no design and release schedule either, though I continually asked. A simple solution I was working on in my free time and offering my help and expertise. Which in turn, would have prevented the micromanagement and provide a clear cut schedule and tasking list. No more questions, the boss would know who is working on what and when to approximately expect it. It didn't help when the general knowledge of the other people couldn't help pin-point who was actually in charge. It felt messy. As a new comer I need to know the company's engineering processes and standards in order to produce consistent work with how things are done at the company. There were no standards or processes established. It revealed to be the wild west based on personal preference. Without even a standardized drawing template the chaos is exasperated since everyone made and reviewed drawings differently. I got to the point of “but, is it wrong?” The answer was sometimes a “no” since there were no standards in place to refute it as long as we met ASME standards but there became no professional consistency in the releases we gave to vendors. Thankfully, the fellas that work there, though sadly miserable, are smart and open to discussion to debate and come up with a decision together. The motivation is already there, or was. These guys all knew how to make improvements but have been completely disregarded as people over the years of trying to address extreme deficiencies. What is the management team doing? My observations came to the same conclusions as everyone else I talked to there, “We don’t think they know, or anyone knows.” They were clearly running things poorly besides our office. One rumor I allegedly heard concerned the relationship they have with their vendors. Or maybe why we had so few and lower quality. They seemed to be trying to control relationships with vendors as they do with their employees. So one was able to notice, we were not considered a priority with any vendor. This explains why we they were forced to reaching out overseas and paying a ridiculous waste of money. I even gave additional vendor recommendations of whom I had great experience with to the proper parties to provide more options. Ended up on deaf ears and in the trash bin. That's ok, there are other things we can do!

Somehow, I still wanted to be there, so bad. I felt all the animosity from my coworkers and NO ONE should ever come to work at a place where you feel so helpless and disregarded. When I started, our manager seemed to only be in title. Though he might be quite knowledgeable as an engineer and helpful where he can, I don’t believe he knew how to be a manager. Or, maybe he does and the place beats him down so much and that is why he looks so depressed when he walks in. If that is the case, no one showed the slightest regard. Continuing with the confusion, this manager was suddenly no longer a manager?? Not a soul knew what was going on, not even the fill in human resources representative. Turns out the transfer of management power and the only duties in their eyes was who signed your timesheet. Tasks still did not get delegated efficiently and ineptitude persisted. On several occasions in private and in team meetings voices were raised to address concerns. Even when voices were literally raised with a clear dispute between one employee and the former manager, the technical director who assumed the “manager” duties just chewed on his hoodie. I was there 4-6 weeks and already privy to yelling matches in meetings. In the same, memorable meeting,  we raised concerns for a program AND release schedule (which I still never saw), or offered suggestions for improvement. One answer I received from the technical director when asking about a design/release schedule, “we don’t know how long a design will take.” That was the end of it. While this is engineering and design schedules shift, a manager/technical director should know how to manage his people and responsibilities. Maybe that's just me. Again, baffling how have they have built cars for at least a decade. Can you feel my frustration as this continues every day? Those poor lost souls that were already there when I arrived. Another issue provided with a simply devised solution that wasn't dared given a thought. Myself and comrades were yet again disappointed.

In my opinion, the best eyes for seeing engrained errors are usually fresh ones. Being fresh and outspoken with a burning passion set me in motion to do the most good. I have never spoken with an HR person outside of hiring but I had to make my first trip to human resources to discuss the concerns of myself and co-workers. Some of the alleged concerns voiced to me by coworkers included an almost zero tolerance to being able to take care of things in their personal life, the micro”management” and the complete barrier between the now all powerful technical director and his employees. Now keep in mind, the HR rep wasn’t even part of human resources, they have struggled keeping HR before I arrived. The rep that started my onboarding was no longer employed by the time I arrived in my new state of residence. When I asked if there were plans for a new one, I was told they weren’t sure and the executive team was thinking about it. Anyway, at first, I believed she believed in what I was saying. I felt somewhat heard regardless if I believed anything would be done. It clearly was a trip made in vain, as she probably thought venting would subdue any drive. That is the atmosphere. If you have a drive, keep it quiet. Don't ask for help, change, improvements or any quality in your work and life balance. I have never witnessed any place and so many people of power within a company that shun and discourage their own people. They were literally fighting against the prosperity of their own business.

Continuing on, when it came to normal day life, I’m surprised I didn’t get an ulcer from all the stress of trying to take care of myself. I informed them from the beginning I’m a disabled veteran and had to get things set up for myself. I moved to a new state and need to establish myself like anyone else. Legally, my medical concerns are of no one else’s business. Period. I ensured to schedule for the first thing in the morning, when possible, and spaced out to have the least impact on work. I always prefer to get things finished first thing and then complete my day. I heard the stories around the office of the nickel and dime of monitoring your time there to the second. Imagine being watched so intently that every time you leave your desk, even to the restroom (yes, you read that correctly), the amount of time you spent in there is being logged. If that isn’t the biggest red flag in how “managing” is being performed it was no surprise we were way behind schedule. The focus was how many minutes you put in and not the amount of production. But, I still clocked in an average of over nine hours a day, never failing to achieve over 40 hours a week, every week besides my very first one. Still, making appointments felt like a crime and you had no support. 

After scheduling an appointment on one occasion, I received a reply from the technical director, “we cannot continue like this with you out of the office”. As a manager, who literally just signed my time card two days prior, you should be aware of what is going on around you. With this, I brought my concerns to the stand-in, HR rep for the SECOND time. On this occasion, I was clearly heated by the response to that email and had typed a reply. I decided to be smart and talk it to the HR rep instead. I presented a copy of the email and let her read it. Afterwards, I was asked if she could present it to the “executive” team. Thinking we might have a chance, I was eager to oblige. Within a day or so, I received an email from the COO about "discussing my job description". His email wasn’t aimed at addressing the concerns but had a very demeaning tone that could have been interpreted as being threatening. All the way at the top and I still don't see a single thread of interest in being a team from anyone.

I don't believe that the conversation went the way he intended. The next morning in a conference room, I reiterated all the concerns from around the office, from my coworkers and everything I could remember or had written down. I was prepared, we needed change. It was like everyone asked about it but management has an efficiency filter. The attitude I got from this muppet was that he knew. Everyone knew. “We’re working on it”, “too busy…”, bullshit, pretty much. I reaffirmed my stance by explaining that my concerns were not just the flippant ideas of fresh meat. I spoke to my coworkers who have been asking for improvements for YEARS. As he continued to down play and say everything except, “stay in your lane,” my resolve would not diminish. Not only did I provide specific examples of issues, I presented several simple and immediate courses of actions that could be implemented effortlessly. I tried to explain that I didn’t HAVE to be a design engineer. I am because I’m good at it but also have many talents elsewhere including management. I got out of him more times than anything else, “I don’t know what to say” or “I don’t know what to do”. I even attempted to play on his moral character and just have a conversation as human beings. He loved when I was interested in hearing him talk about his helicopter but not when asking him to work towards a better place for all. What an integral executive team member…. Not only does he refuse to know and understand the needs of his employees, he showed no intent. There was a good chance he already knew what he was going to do. Considering I heard that he had fired someone before that had an aching to do something good for the people there. The only thing that came from it in that moment was to be more clear when letting people know I will be out of the office. I couldn’t get more clear than continuing to provide a specific time and date. Following this meeting I witnessed, with another designer, the COO in the technical director's office chatting for sometime. Though we both had learned already that nothing was likely to happen, I at least put it out there. I'm not one to sit idly by and if I don't make an effort, what's the point to begin with?

Following that discussion, I felt there was some tension coming from the technical director. What ever happened to people being adults especially in the workplace? Look someone in the eyes and resolve your issues. You are titled as a manager, isn’t some form of conflict resolution in your job description? But, as he continued to micromanage one of my coworkers constantly I was treated like I didn’t exist. I decided to send him a carefully curated email at the end of the day on Friday. I addressed the elephant in the room while still holding my ground presenting information on how my impact on work hours was minimal. The email even contained enough about my good intentions and my ability to address things head on. All while being professional and extending an open offering of collaboration to better ourselves and the office. I continued to mention that we are at work and we are doing business, nothing is personal and I want to work towards the future together. I was eager to be there! That is the kind of energy I want to hear from my employees!  If you guessed my reply was anything other than nothing at all, you would be wrong. Even after stating that the next week would be fresh for us to move forward after a weekend to ourselves I got nothing. I attached a draft copy of the email I sent him, so you can make your own judgements. It is a bit off from what I sent but the only copy I could obtain. For a place without an IT department, they wiped my computer while I was on my way out the door. But luckily, I sent this draft to my co-worker so he could read it. I wasn't being shady behind anyone's back and let those involved be aware of my actions. I was able to get him to send me the copy before he terminated his own employment there and you can read it below. If I ever received an email like that from an employee, I would be applauded and respond in person. Maybe I'm old fashioned, I still believe in a solid handshake.

The next few weeks up to my termination, the manager/technical director avoided me like the plague. I started getting random, not even full design tasking from a technician! I spent about a decade as a mechanic, tech whatever you want to call it, so I have nothing but appreciation for the positions, and honestly wanted to find my way back to it. But, how is a tech delegating tasks to only me now? Why? I wasn’t really engineering anything. I would say it is a safe bet to conclude, the technical director was not meeting the standards of the position for several reasons.

I continued the weeks as you could imagine, resisting the known fact nothing would change and biding my time for the future to hopefully come to a position where I can make them happen. Afterall, I was still working on rally cars and I wanted nothing else. But, I also spent that time seeing a boss that wouldn’t look in my direction, not even discuss the tasks I was working on and avert his eyes when I looked at him. It was somewhat amusing at times. We counted up to 6 times before mid-day where the technical director would enter the office, ask the other guy what he was doing, look around, then leave. I didn’t think I would work as a kindergarten student. Either way, I’m not easily deterred from my goals so hope wasn’t lost. It was time for planning and refinement of ideas, the long game. As I expressed to everyone, I didn’t mind doing "petty" tasks, or busy work or whatever they poorly delegated. I was happy to just be there, my days went by quickly and smoothly despite the frustrating chaos. 

Eventually, the day came. The day before my birthday, 2022. Sitting at my desk, the COO asked to speak with me. At first, I was surprised that we may be discussing some issues. Once at the conference room, I saw the technical director and thought at least we will clear the air, back to work in five. Immediately, I started to hear the “at-will” employment cop-out with what he thought was a smug look from the COO. As he continued with his words I was given the excuse that I wasn’t living up to the expectations of my contract. So, I cut him off and asked “how?” Additionally, I ran off the list of how I am specifically meeting the terms of my contract but only continued hearing this wasn’t the time for that discussion. Looking over at my "manager" and asking the same thing only made him look away. Seeing all the stories about this muppet come true, my motivation was inflamed and I no longer cared. I looked at him and asked, “You can’t even be man to man with me and tell me what expectations I’m not living up to?” He retorted with a repeated line while making that muppet during a seizure grin. So, I stood up and as I leaned over the table to grab the envelope of my termination papers, I stared down into his face, pointed and told him, “you’re a piece of shit.” then walked out. Though it felt good, doing that and some of the bitching on the way out were beneath me. I just saw this thing with no regard for anyone but himself. And the culmination of every bit of chaos, incompetence and confusion that everyone suffers under there is due to this one muppet. It all became evident. When the owner made his money he handed over operations to this man-shaped incompetence. Everything we discussed prior, the issues, the discontent and lack of moral, could all be tied back to him. I raised a voice which called out errors he was largely the cause for. Maybe it's laziness or he wanted to keep trying hide it. It's ok to be wrong and make mistakes, it's how you learn and improve as you grow. The best thing a person can do is own their mistakes and do what they can to correct them. But then again, it doesn't seem like there are too many of us left out there who admit their short comings and are willing to put in the effort.

I couldn't think of a better or nicer way to describe this COO. muppet just fit. You might get it if you see him. And, I needed a term I could hide all my distaste for the individual without letting my feelings take away from the story. I'm just trying to retell events but, some people just get to you, you know? Of course you do, you're human. I digress...

Now, with all the chaos there I did still try to get to know everyone I could. I liked the people and sadly most of them didn't like being there. I went in with great expectations of a prestigious team. But the feeling was never met. The only real team members that appeared to be considered were the drivers, who don't technically work there, and the techs who went to events. It's still hard for me to sort all the words of this place and how it made me feel. I found it sad that the entire "team" feeling was just a façade. I don't believe in things that present themselves one way to everyone but don't live up to their own words. I think it's called integrity. 

Anyway, It was oddly the best birthday present I ever received and he had no idea. Because, all of this has led me right here. I found rallysport awhile ago and it became a part of me. It is why I pursued this place as a dream job for so long. I want to live my life in the rally community every moment. It’s not work for me. It is a passion and the dream I am actually pursuing. Not some position at some company who doesn’t live up to their own set values. The way I saw people treated there and the resulting moral left me in disgust. I don’t believe in business like that.